I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
