She said her name was "party"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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