check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
