checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
