you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
