Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
