Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
