I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This baby is an asshole
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
