Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
