When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
