i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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