I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
