Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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