Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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