you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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