Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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