Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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