So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
