I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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