can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
