Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
