turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
