I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
