I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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