my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
