...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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