I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
