i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
