my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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