Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
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Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
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just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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