Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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