I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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