We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
