We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
