season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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