He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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