It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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