How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
