this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
