I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize