we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
