I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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