Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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