the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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