I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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