I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
