You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
