But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
