Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
