I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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