My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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