I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
