did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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