Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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