I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
