HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
