I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
