Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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