Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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