he wants to bone in the snuggie
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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