Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just invented taco cereal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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