I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
