Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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