It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
