Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
