Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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