fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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