i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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