Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
