they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
