I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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