when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
