shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
