woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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