I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
