Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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