omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
