I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
