How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
