On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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