apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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