it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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